An Update of Sorts

There is a quote, I’m not sure who wrote it, that goes something like this:

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For the past few weeks, I have been ruminating on this idea. My lack of posting on here is due less to writer’s block or burnout but rather other areas of my life needed tending to. This necessitated diligence and silence.

I’m not here to write about the particulars of it but to talk about an unintended side effect of it. For much of my life, I have been go-go-go. Hopping from one goal to the next and when I found myself without a goal, a deep anxiety set in which spawned a restlessness. A profound need to “do something, anything.” In this current iteration, there is an absence of this restless companion. It’s replacement is an inexplicable calmness.

I don’t know this companion.

In fact, it is so unfamiliar to me that I incorrectly thought I was in a depressive episode. My depression symptoms manifest differently from what is promulgated on the internet. There is a restlessness and an apathy, a lack of feeling.

With this calmness, I still feel things. I have concerns. The difference is my worldview shifted.

I am startlingly present in my life instead of one step in the future, the next moment. With this newness brings clarity to people and situations which once vexed me. I liken it to the pivotal moment in the 1999 movie The Matrix when Neo sees it: the 1s and 0s that make up the Matrix.

That realization brings freedom and power.

I’m unsure of how that freedom and power will manifest going forward. My personal objective is to continue along this path and let my success make the noise.