Time to name the thing. I do not purport to know physics but as I sat down to draft this blog post, I thought of Sir Isaac Newton’s First Law of Motion. Here he introduces us to “inertia.” Essentially, an object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
When I graduated in 2008 from the University of South Carolina, I felt very much “in motion.” Big dreams and even bolder ambitions. An object in motion. Multiple moves and a painful romantic breakup didn’t stop the motion. Didn’t halt my trajectory.
A career crisis and subsequent depressive episode that hovered for two years did that. I became an object “at rest.”
Naming the thing is saying, I’m at rest and I don’t know how to get back in motion. Eight years in the archives profession, some dodgy experiences along the way, I’m a little worn in places, grizzled in others, stupidly idealistic in others but I feel it.
I am unsure of what to move toward. Depression compromised my ability to trust my inner voice because for a number of years it put me down. I have questions and doubts where I once had certainty.
My passion for archives still exists. New ideas and online conversations raise issues and concerns I spend a great deal of time off-line thinking about.
Archives. Environmental Sustainability. Black Feminist Theory. Records Management. Electronic Records. Community Archives. All compelling pieces to an internal puzzle I’m trying to put together.
I am inert.
But, I don’t want to be.